A Proverbial Fork in the Road

Disclaimer: This is a venting post. If you don't want to hear me whine, stop reading.

So God has been testing me this week. As of Monday, our hot water and electricity got shut off due to some miscommunications with the electric company and poor maintenance of our water heater pilot light (I'm beginning to despise the previous tenants of this house).

Fortunately, my roommate and I were able to spend the night at my friend/co-worker Amanda's house Monday, which actually ended up being fun because it turned into an impromptu LOST night. Also I was able to eat dinner and take a shower, which was much needed.

Last night we were planning on toughing it out, living rustically, and going to bed early when the electric company truck pulled up around 9pm and our power got turned on. Even though this drama only spanned 3 days, it seemed like much longer. Not only were we having a mini physical crisis, things with the roommate reached somewhat of a breaking point. I mean, you know things are bad when you have a mental breakdown on your lunch break.

The real problem wasn't the lack of electricity. It was the feeling of being out of control and exposed. This little blackout decided to happen in the midst of other difficult things going on within my personal life, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't handle the situation well, and I may or may not have been a mean person to my roommate.

Let me explain why I was not a nice person: In the past, I didn't allow myself to get too emotionally close to my roommates. I have the tendency to close myself off from people.
This time around, I can feel the walls coming down and my roommate pushing her way through the cast-iron barrier that encloses my fragile container of precious thoughts and emotions... and that scares me! At this point, I can do one of two things: either put up some more walls to further protect myself from being discovered (oh the horrors of being found out! That I am imperfect and flawed and don't have all my stuff together!) or allow myself to open up and be vulnerable and grow as an emotional human being, learning how to express my emotions and connect with another human being on an emotionally intimate level.

Hmmm...
I obviously know which route I need to choose, but it's scary and difficult and is gonna take a whole lot of trust.

And to think that all of this came from having a broken pilot light on the water heater.

God sure is is a sneaky God.